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It's funny what a song can evoke. When there's something on my mind, every song I listen to seems to tell me that whatever I'm thinking is important. Some songs evoke memories. An image, a feeling. It isn't voluntary. It's not like I want to remember these things. I don't. But the music always brings it back. Sometimes it's a sad song, or a song that I used to listen to all the time. A silly song, or a song I hated. Sometimes it's a song I don't listen to anymore, but if I even hear a small part of it a wave of memories comes back to me.

Especially if it was "our song." That's the worst. Memories hidden in the back of my mind. Memories I don't care to remember, and thoughts and emotions I had long forgotten. I live in the present now. Much of my past is so far behind me, I can't even see it. But it's amazing how just a bit of a song can bring it all back. It's been so bad before that my friends even noticed that I had suddenly changed.

Music is a powerful thing. It can move us, change us, make us think. It can shape our thoughts and emotions and it can imprint upon us our very history. It waits in the corners and the shadows of our subconscious, just waiting to make itself known. We all have that song. That song that takes us back to a time when things were better. Or worse.

Memory is a powerful thing. It hides, quiet, in the recesses of our minds, poised to spring forward. We zone out, we cringe, we cry ourselves to sleep because our very brains are wired to remember. Every thought and image is there, ready, poised like a cat ready to pounce. And you will cry yourself to sleep. Awake, alone, in the dark, in the dark corner of the world where you feel that the world has forgotten you. There is only you and your memories to keep you company but deep inside you know that even your memories are against you, feeding you your dark past with no remorse. The ex-boyfriend who "loved" you and left you for your best friend. The party where you thought you would find love but only found rape, and every time feeling of regret that you've ever had comes back to you in a sweeping wave that pushes you deeper into your sheets until you can't even breathe.

All because of the power of a single song. That song, which a year ago was the only song you would listen to. When you heard it, you thought of him, you'd listen to it with him, he would play it when he thought of you and you made that song part of you. It was the song you played as you cradled a pint of ice cream and it was the song that played again and again in your head as he forced you against the bed and you could do nothing but bury your face into the pillow and wait for it to end.
So...umm...this took a very different turn than what I expected...yeah...it kind of wrote itself...

Umm...enjoy?
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October 29, 2011
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