From a Twisted Mind III

The light is particularly bright tonight.

Things are bound to work out. They've changed so much, but maybe that's normal. It's hard to change mindsets. I'm not sure what's normal.

I'm happy for Bill. But I wish he knew how jealous I was. I just want things to work.

The mind following one train of thought after another.

Running, chasing, flashing lights on all sides. Thoughts, long discarded. Ideas of late, past and passed.

The master told his student, "It takes a man to know what life is. You are but a boy."

Words, scattered like paint upon a white canvas, struggling to form a sentence, trying to escape this prison of neural impulses. The words of a page, stirring, animating, dancing in patterns of light.

It wasn't your face I thought of. It was hers. But I couldn't help it. She was all I knew. She was my world and my life. I guess she still is. I never knew how hard it was to let go of the past, especially if the past has become part of your present.

I still need to finish my story. But writing is hard these days.

"I'm right over here, why can't you see me?"

The moon fades, dims, turns to black. Charred, smoldering, its light fades away. But it is still beautiful. But I'll never tell anyone just how beautiful I think it is.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, two, three...counting steps on impulse. I can't help it.

Thoughts, distant and discordant, arranging into patterns and words, like stars into constellations. Try, O try, will you please?

For me?

I've never known stability. It has always been change for me. New places, new people, new friends, new ideas, new thoughts, new mindsets, new masks to wear, new girlfriends, new societies, new observations, new words.

"This is an anthem for the girl that got away. This is an anthem for the world of yesterday."

I want to be what you're looking for. I want to be perfect for you. I'm trying to be. But I'm wearing another one of my masks. You see me, but I died long ago, washed away with the torrents of life and people. I once was.

Once.

Dancing, playing, spinning, living.

A stone thrown is one less stone to throw.

A twisted mind, living in the past. For the past is real. I can't live for the future. The future isn't real. The future is uncertain. Where will I be? What will I do next? Uncertainty is all I've known, but the past...the past is certain. These memories are real. I cling to them for safety. Help me, before I fall.

Falling, drifting, through the air, the darkness.

A conscious mind, thinking, trying, thoughts into words, never-ending.

I want to tell you, I want to ask, but I know how you feel. I don't know what you'll say, and I don't think it will be good.

End.

Find.

Truth.

Wander, my friends. The path is there, and home is so far behind. Follow the light, wander the ways. Feel, dream, remember me.

What will happen when I'm gone? I want to know, but the future is so far ahead.

Thoughts of discord, be my prayer.